there are only 77 days left until Scott comes home YAY!

in the past 3 weeks 3 of my 4 kids have gotten stung by bees and thank god none of them are allergic, Chase got it on the finger when he was helping clean up at my parents house while we were visiting, Carson got his on the neck last week while at daycare and Aggie (the wee one) decided she wanted to make a wasp lunch and got stung not once but twice! one on the inside of her mouth and one on the outside, shes fine thank god but man she just wanted her mommy ;(

So this week hasnt been too bad with the kids, Chase is having some problems at daycare but its not too major, Carson had an xray yesterday on his hip because the dr wants to rule out hip dysplasia and the girls are getting ever so close to walking ;(

ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, now i know that i was depressed as i had a meltdown after the birth of the twins, but today i got diagnosed with anxiety as well

the back story, since after i had Carson almost 4yrs ago i have been struggling with depression and i have been on one drug or another and either one makes me sick or it makes me angrier than i usually am or it just doesnt seem to help the mood, well i THOUGHT i was ok about 9 months after starting it after Carson, i think he had just turned 1 when we started to wean me off of it, so .... fast forward to about 2 yrs ago, i am off the meds feeling sorta good, still having anger issures but i think i am just an angry person (lots of history to that, working on it with the councellor), so i say to Scott that i want to try for another baby, well he agreed than i talking to some people and lets just say Scott gave up and just went along with whatever. so we start trying for another baby and 8 months and hundreds of hours and dollars later i decide that i am giving up and that we can try again later, christmas eve of 2007 i guess i was ovulating and about 3 and a half weeks later i take the test and it comes back positive, my mom and my older sister both told me to have an abortion (the gall :blah:) and that with all my problems (anger the main one) that i wouldnt be able to handle it, so when we were living in Gagetown, where we got pg, i started seeing a coucellor there as well, and we had just started to work on all the problems, slowly but surely all this bull*&^% comes out in the sessions, i find out we are pg with twins, so i excitedly call my mom and older sister (they were shopping) and tell them to sit down for the news (they knew i was having an u/s that day) and tell them that im having twins and that they are both 95% girls, YAY me!, anyway so my sister just kind of shut down and my mom told me that she was going to call me back when they were done, so then i call my dad at work and he is just elated that im having 2 girls at one time, then we call Scotts mom and she basically fainted while on the phone, that night my mom calls back and she says "i know its too late to have a abortion but maybe u should look into adoption" and i asked why she felt that way and she told me that since before i had Chase she has been living in fear of me hurting the kids (her grandkids) and her not being there, so i told her "mom this is Scott and my decision and we have discussed it and we are keeping them plus its not really ur business to be telling me all this stuff" and so she told me "no but im just telling u my opinion" and i told her that i had to go, so then i talked to Scott and balled my eyes out and told him i wanted the babies and he said he did too
now here i am almost 5 yrs and 4 kids later, i have my meltdown and end up in the hospital and Scott gets 7 months of pat leave, and im on anti derpressents again, well i went to the dr today and told her that i have been having these thoughts and she asked me like what? so i told her that my mind is always racing and that i fear Scott is gonna leave me or that the kids are going to end up hurt, that i had a hard time focusing on things, that i wasnt really sleeping that well and she told me that all those symptoms are classic signs of anxiety disorder, so she has now diagnosed me and she is going to start me on new meds when Scott gets back from his course, shes gong to wean me off the luvox (current) slowly and then wean me onto the celexa? (new) and she wants Scott to be here for more than a couple of days so that if i have another melt down he is here to help out with the kids. im also working on my anger issues with my councellor down here and its actually helping me alot.
i think i have some issues with my mom and sister that i need to work on but im going to wait to work on those , the thins is i am constantly calling my mom for constant re asertion about how i am with the kids and how i handle things, i think i need to work that at first and then work on the other things later!
anyway if u made it this far thanks for ready my long spiel!